Expense Accounts

Part of flying is getting used to handling an expense account. Basically, the company gives you a credit card and you keep track of all the legitimate expenses like fuel, parking, meals, hotels. I worked for a business in St Louis once, flying aerial reconnaissance aircraft. These planes had highly sophisticated cameras mounted inside, cameras worth more than the plane itself. We would map cities and towns across the country for GoogleMaps. Very precise work, requiring a lot of preflight planning and flawless execution. These cameras would be repaired or modified at a location in Hayward, California, a small suburb of Oakland. I spent many days in Oakland. We used to fly a testing route when they needed to calibrate the camera. Downtown San Francisco and south for about forty miles, back and forth, back and forth. On one test flight we were about two hours into it and I realized I really, really needed to use the bathroom. So I went in back, closed the little door and relieved myself with the relief tube. That's a small hose that simply runs outside the plane. Strictly for liquids. As I'm doing my business, I glance out the little window. Yep, I was taking a whiz right over downtown San Francisco at 16,000'. But I digress.

One evening my copilot and I went out to dinner in Oakland and chose a nearby Olive Garden. It was a Saturday and the waiting line was long. Now Oakland is the gangland capital of America. So a good number of the people waiting were obvious gang members with their dates. I went to the desk to put my name on the list and asked how long was the wait. "About 45 minutes to an hour," was her response. I looked at the bar area behind her, with it's small metal tables. One was open. "Can we sit there?" I asked. "Sure," she said and so we sat down. The waiter came by and I ordered a Coke and asked if we could eat dinner here too. "Why sure you can," he replied. Waiting time just dropped to zero. 

My copilot went to the bathroom and while I'm sitting there this little old lady came up. "Would you mind if my husband and I sat with you until our table is ready? There aren't any seats open in the waiting area." I knew exactly what this meant. This elderly couple, well into their eighties I'd say, needed a place to sit. These local gangland kids had never learned anything like manners or respect your elders, so none of them were giving up a seat for them. It's sad, you know? Well I immediately said "Sure! I'd be happy if you would join us!" and stood up and held the chair for her. I said why don't you join us for dinner, we're eating right here. "Oh? I didn't know you could eat here," they replied. My copilot came back and I introduced everyone. The waiter came by and I said there'd be four of us tonight, and ordered a bottle of their less expensive wine (it is an expense account you know).

They asked about us and we explained we were pilots and I bit my lip when they responded with the usual "Oh really? Which airline do you fly for?" We explained what it was we actually do, then I asked about them. Well, what an interesting story they told. They had dated back in high school. This was during Wold War II, and on graduation he had enlisted in the Marines. Took part in the invasions of Iwo Jima and Okinawa. You were lucky if you survived one of those invasions, but he had managed to survive both! He recounted how they couldn't take prisoners. Japanese soldiers surrendering usually carried a hidden hand grenade and would blow up themselves, and their captors, first chance they had. All the dead or injured Marines and no prisoners had obviously been a traumatic time for him, obvious even now after all these years. When the war ended, he was sent home where he married his high school sweetheart and they'd been married ever since, 66 years now. When they got married they had bought a home in Hayward and still lived in it today.  The same home!

This was a most enjoyable meal with some very interesting conversation. Had it just been the copilot and me, we'd sat there talking about flying some, which is what pilots usually do. Or texted on our iPhones silently. This though, this was some enlightening, stimulating conversation! We ate our dinner, laughing and discussing what it was like to be married so long. I remember he said saying 'yes dear' a lot was helpful. Some things never change. After a tasty dessert I whispered to the waiter to put it all on our tab. I signed the receipt, we said good bye to this lovely couple and left them alone to share the last of the wine. The free meal surprise would come later for them. Thank you Google, for showing this couple respect when no one else did. It was definitely a legitimate expense.

As a former veteran of six years in the Navy, I still use food to show respect. If I'm in a restaurant and a soldier is there, I pay for his meal. Usually I don't let on it was me, I just tell the waitress to give me their bill as I'm leaving. One time, when I was driving a truck (one of my between-flying jobs), I was in line at McDonald's and a soldier got in line behind all of us drivers. When I stepped up to give my order I looked back and waived at the soldier to come on up. Who? Me? The other drivers were saying "Go on! Get up there! He's buying your meal!" I'd make sure he got everything he wanted ("Make that a large Coke") and then shake his hand. Sure it cost me a few bucks, but it makes you feel good about yourself, makes the soldier feel good and hopefully inspires others to do the same. It's my personal expense account.