Everyone carries passengers. Its why we fly, unless you carry freight. Passengers though, it's like they go through a weird transformation when they get on an airplane. Most will just sit there and enjoy the ride, while others feel the need to make a spectacle of themselves.
Alcohol is the biggest problem that passengers have. In nine years at an airline (Northwest Airlink), we took nine passengers off the airplane for being drunk. Now, customer service is not supposed to board a drunk passenger. Its against the Federal regulations. But when the 220 lb drunk hands his boarding pass to the 18 yr old, 110 lb gate agent who's working her first job, its a lot easier to say "Enjoy your flight!" than it is to say "You can't get on, you drunken bum." A customer service manager came up to me one day in the cockpit and said he had this passenger who may have had a few drinks (I immediately interpret that as crazy drunk), but he's talked to him and he understands the rules and promises to behave on the flight, etc. His mistake was telling me first, because I immediately answered with a big smile and a firm "No". A drunk that gets past customer service though will usually be fairly quiet at first. Then you take off and through the miracle of pressurization the cabin altitude will begin to rise and this increases the alcohol to oxygen ratio, making him even more drunk. Then they get crazy smashed.
Rule #1: When the flight attendant calls up in flight and says she has a drunk passenger, THE BAR IS CLOSED. The worst thing you can do is give everyone a drink except the drunk.
Step #2: We, the crew, will then adjust the pressurization to an even higher cabin altitude, like 10,000'. That's as high as I can legally make it. This makes the guy's alcohol to oxygen ratio so high he literally passes out. I learned that back flying college kids to football games and it works like a charm.
Step #3: Call ahead and say you need the airport police to meet you for a drunk passenger. You don't want him arrested. Yeah, right, and spend my day off at the courthouse in Escanaba Michigan? I don't think so. No, I just want the police to make sure he doesn't try to drive out of the airport on his own and kill some innocent motorist. Police have a lot of experience dealing with drunk people. Once a young Marine, just home from the Gulf War, was very drunk and the police took him away. Later I asked them whatever became of the happy Marine. "We called his mommy to come get him," they smirked.
I was in the Navy in 1976 and flying back to my ship one night on Allegheny Airlines. That's an airline from way back. We flew from Hartford to Norfolk by way of Philadelphia. Not many people on board, so I grabbed a seat up front (it was all coach, no first class section on this DC-9). This one guy, another sailor, was totally smashed. I was surprised they were letting him on, but what do I know?
We get up to cruise, and about halfway there this drunken sailor comes staggering past me and grabs the main cabin door handle. WTF!? I pull my seat belt even tighter as the flight attendant gets between him and the door. "Sir, you can't get off. You need to go sit down." But he's carrying on, calling her bad names and saying things like "I'm getting off this thing now!"
Well, she looks around for some help and dang it, I'm the only one sitting up front. So I get up and go up behind this fine representative of American Naval Traditions and say 'Hey man, why don't you just sit down. We'll be on the ground in a few minutes." You know, in that sarcastic, you annoying-butthole tone of voice that a sailor always uses to another sailor. He looks over his shoulder all surprised and slurs out "You don't tell me what to do," (with more expletives), turns around and tries to punch me! Well now I'm mad, because he's really embarrassing me as a fellow sailor. As he tries to choke me, I grab him by his shirt and throw him down across a row of seats. As I hold him there I think to myself, "OK, now what do I do?" I contemplated taking out a lot of frustration by punching him senseless. Then this arm, with four gold stripes on it, comes past me and puts his finger in the drunks face. He says firmly, "You, son, are going to go sit down and be quiet! Understood?" He mumbles a couple of yessirs and the flight attendant and some guy from the back take him back to his seat. I go sit back down. Jeesh! Back in the rear cabin, this young girl is pleading, "He's not with me! Don't put him here!" and the flight attendant suggests she sit somewhere else.
So I'm up front by myself, thinking what an embarrassment that was, when suddenly this young girl flies into the seat next to me, looks me right in the eyes up close and says "You were such a hero!" Well now, this is a happy turn of events! So I basked in my heroness for another 15 minutes until we landed. She got off, I never saw her again. The drunk got off, took a swing at the cops and got hauled off in hand cuffs. I saw it, it was comical. I got my connecting flight and went back to the ship.
I love flying freight. Freight never complains that it's too cold. Freight never cries that this plane is too small. Freight never gets drunk and tries to take a swing at me. Freight is sober, polite and understanding. I love freight.
